When we started the adoption process the first time (in 2017), everyone came out of the woodworks. You know, the “OMG! My cousin’s, sister’s, brother and his wife adopted, too!” It’s like when you get pregnant, you’re all the sudden part of a new club. The Mom Club. And everyone gives you all their non-solicited advice to scare the holy heck out of you before baby arrives. Because honestly, that’s what we all need more of — right!?
Everyone had an opinion and they were very vocal when it came to warning us about the journey we were about to embark on. “This is going to be so expensive. It’s going to be so hard. Does she not want the baby? Do you have to have a relationship with her forever?” I’ve found there is lots of negativity when it comes to a birth mother and why she chose to place her baby for adoption. Every situation is different, but from my personal experience, birth mothers are some of the strongest people I have ever met. To give your baby life, even though it isn’t with you; placing a child for adoption is an act of selflessness that I cannot fathom.
The day we traveled to Kansas from Florida to meet our son’s birthparents I was guarded. With all of the unsolicited advice filling my mind, I was met at the door with something much different than what I had prepared for. They asked me why she didn’t “want” her baby, but why didn’t they tell me what she “wanted” was a better life for him? They warned me how hard this journey would be, but why didn’t they prepare me for the emotions I would feel when she looked me in the eyes and said, “As soon as I saw you guys, I knew you were his parents.”
I “knew” a lot of things the day I walked into that hospital to watch my son come into the world. Or, at least I thought I did. I knew it would be tough, expensive, emotional, and sometimes I would want to give up. I knew I could spend weeks if not months, waiting out the ICPC process in a foreign place. I knew it would be awkward at times and at others just plain scary. They warned me. I was ready for this.
But what they didn’t tell me, was how much I would grow to love these people that were strangers just a few months ago. What they didn’t tell me, was that I would love this baby the second I heard his cry. What they didn’t tell me, was that every doubt, every worry, every financial hurdle to get to this point, would disappear the moment I saw my 4 year old holding her new baby brother. What they didn’t tell me, is that his birth mother is who I would think of when he learned to walk or when he said his first word. What they didn’t tell me, was how I would never want to leave that little AirBNB in Wichita, Kansas, because now it felt like home.
What they didn’t tell me was, there is beauty in brokenness — and my world was changing in the best way possible.
To follow along on our adoption journey click here.
