You know those friends who make you feel like you are their 2nd or 3rd choice? I have spent the majority of my life chasing their “yes.” It was exhausting and emotionally draining. I have cried, felt unlikeable, and not good enough. There really is not another way to put it – it sucks.
I think it clicks somewhere around 30 years old that those “friends” are not normal and they do not deserve your energy. If it clicked before 30 for you, well then, you are rare and amazing; please teach me your ways!
I will admit it was hard at first to stop sending the texts, “Hey you want to get wine? See a movie? Go to dinner?” People who value my time and friendship at least put forth effort to make a plan. When there is mutual respect in a mom-ship (did I just coin a new term for mom friends?) there is an understanding.
If you are a mom you know what I am talking about, this is the “life is drowning me right now but I love you and will see you on the other side” thing. This is fine. We have all been there. We collectively feel and understand that motherhood ebbs and flows.
I am referring to the folks who invite you somewhere then decide to do something else last minute and never answer their phones. These are the “friends” who “check their calendars” then call their rich neighbors to go to happy hour instead. Girlfriend, you go ahead and check you calendar but I’m going to be over here not caring when you are available.
I will admit I still get caught up in it sometimes because I genuinely love people, so much. I still have to take a step back and remember how it makes me feel to be in that mess: drained. It really bites when these people are your family but, let me tell you something, and I need you to listen (read) carefully: you still have a choice and you don’t have to choose those people to fill your friendship cup.
Blood is not an excuse for disrespect. Yes, you can (and should) continue to be kind and cordial; just do not expect an outcome different than what you know. You know yourself now, you have been through hard things and you know what you deserve.
There ARE people. Your tribe exist, it does! People who think you are the most fun, funniest, best broad they know, they are out there. If you fail to find them and feel hopeless holler at me, friend, I would LOVE to have you over for wine and a charcuterie board – my calendar is wide open.