My life has been a collage of ideas. Pictures of how it should be, and realities of how it has pieced together over the years. Perfectionism and “people pleasing” has kept me bound in chains of how I should be as a wife, a mom, and a women in every aspect of my life. While constantly holding the weight on my shoulders, motherhood has left me exhausted and spent. Always quickly patching the holes of my self-doubt and criticism of constant failure to keep myself together. Buried by burdens of pleasing other people around me and conforming to how I should be and what’s expected of me. The constant battle to fight for interests of my own as well as ideas and wants I still have as an individual that are yet to be fulfilled.
I’m a young mom. A mom who had kids early. Got married early. I am a mom who is now trying to discover my identity as an individual in this huge world of possibility.
I’m trying to reconnect with my previous talents and accomplishments before kids while trying to establish new ones, all while trying to be the best mom I can be and working on constantly trying to improve.
Motherhood is a beautiful place. My kids are my whole world. I would do anything for them. It’s full of silly moments, laughter, and adventures. But motherhood is also the most challenging and unpredictable job. Curve-balls are always thrown your way and there are always mistakes to be made that are necessary for growth. By constantly trying to keep a clean house, work a full time job, be a mom three kids, and also be a good wife, I always fell short.
I was doing so much to keep order that I was missing the beautiful chaos.
The mask of motherhood is all but graceful. As a young mom, I always looked at other moms in passing, thinking that they had it all together. They took care of their husbands, their children and still managed to have a life. But over time, I realized that as much as something can look so perfect on the surface, it was rarely the case. There is no perfect mom.
I soon realized that it was okay to mess up and to let people down. I didn’t have to be perfect. The mask of motherhood was actually everything but perfect. It was okay to be exhausted, admit defeat, and sit on the couch for a minute to relax. I’m not saying to give up, but it’s okay to let your body rest and take time for yourself. It’s okay to let the dishes pile up and leave clean laundry unfolded. It’s okay to STOP. REST. AND, most importantly, SPEND TIME WITH YOUR KIDS.
I always have been good at managing and micromanaging the household. Keeping the kids on track with school, packing healthy lunches (or at least, somewhat healthy), getting the household in order, etc. But throwing a full time job into the mix has been a circus. My personal struggle in the last year has been taking time to read that special book my daughter picked out for a second time even though it’s time for bed, or sitting down to watch the movie they are enjoying because they want me to be there in the moment with them, instead of doing a chore to tidy the house. I have always been go go go and constantly finding stuff around the house to work on, because let’s be real, there is ALWAYS something! I NEVER would break. I NEVER would rest. Needless to say, this has caused so much anxiety and frustration. I’ve realized it’s okay to not be perfect. So remember, it’s okay to not be perfect all the time!
Perfection is so unrealistic and truthfully exhausting, and it’s important to remember that no matter what your current walk in life is, find something for yourself that brings joy and to put mom first at times. You deserve it!
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