Time is the topic on my mind a lot these days, as there just doesn’t seem to be enough of it.
Is that a mom thing or is that an age thing? When my kids were little and not yet in school, my days were so long. Early mornings with Mickey Mouse Club House and Handy Manny, playing on the floor while drinking coffee till noon, and then of course nap time. That meant me laying down with my kids (God forbid i go do anything else productive), because they felt I needed to be there for them to sleep, too. A pot of coffee in my body and I was thinking through all the “stuff” I should be doing: Pick up toys, take the dog out so he doesn’t pee on the carpet, gah I forgot to take out something to thaw for dinner this morning. There were dishes in the sink and a dishwasher full of clean dishes, and there was always the laundry, which I forgot to move to the dryer so I’d have to run it again.
The gym was my “me time”. I could get in a work out in while the kids played in the gym nursery (after being pried off me during drop off). Then it was off to the grocery store since I forgot to take something out to thaw. Do you feel me here, anyone?
If I could do those days over, knowing what I know now, I might do some things differently, but I will always treasure those times with my babies.
Before I knew it, I looked up and it was time to start school.
Both of my babies were off to Kindergarten and first grade. I had dreamed of this day, of what I would do with all that me time, all the things I’d get done, how efficiently I would move through my to-do list and even have time for myself…BAHAHAHAHA! Who was I kidding? I couldn’t stay away. I was picking up, dropping off, volunteering in the classroom, involved in the PTA and before long their school life became intertwined with my life too. And then there it was: TIME. Creeping up on me, telling me there wasn’t enough, and I couldn’t also help but think I could do it better.
Homeschool! Yes, that’s it…I was gonna homeschool!
This would give us more time together. We’d have time to play, do school work, and with daddy involved every day I could have my “me time”. I love homeschooling them, watching them grow, light up, make mistakes, and correct mistakes. Homeschool has been such a incredible experience for our entire family and I wouldn’t change a minute of it. But honestly, I have been scared at times too. The last thing I ever want to do is put my kids in a situation that wasn’t the best for them, or that wouldn’t all them to shine. Through homeschooling I have learned to trust the process, and have faith that I wasn’t ever going to do them wrong. I want the best for them, and my decisions were all based with their best futures in mind. I truly had to trust myself as a mom and not listen to everyone else. Everyone has an opinion and wants to share it with you, but nobody is going to know what’s best for your kids the way you will.
So that brings us to today…
I’m listening to what they want and making the decision of whether or not to put them back in public school. They are entering the middle school years (oh gosh), and they are ready to begin a new adventure. I know I’ve given them a solid foundation and I’m confident in their learning and schooling abilities, but of course, as they prepare to re-enter the school system, I have my moments of doubt yet again.
Am I doing the right thing?
Should I put my foot down?
Am I giving up?
I keep telling myself there’s not a right or wrong, there’s only choices and paths that lead to destinations. We are all learning and growing together as a family. The saying “The days are long but the years are short” rings so true. I know I have more to come, but OH how I’ve enjoyed the extra time I’ve had so far, and I’m loving being their momma. In the end, we are all moms, we love hard and want what’s best for our kids. It’s not about being perfect, its about loving them through all the choices, watching them grow and enjoying the journey.